Saturday, December 31, 2011

I thank god for adding another year to my life

I want to thank god for adding another to life because when I look back over the years and all that I've been through and I'm still here is truly a blessing from above. My life been rough since I was child when my family in a bad situation in terms of financial and my mother was sick, I had to learn how to be a man by myself and it was not easy. I did many mistakes that had hurt the people I cared about but in reality it was me listening to other people that wasn't looking out for me.

I had no idea what I was doing because I didn't have somebody to talk and to learn certain things about my life and relationships. All that leading me to hurt some people and lose them forever when it really it was stress and depression that had taken over me to be thinking and doing things that I really didn't want to do. Depression is no joke I'm talking from experience because you sometimes have suicidal thoughts out of nowhere I had those many times especially while I'm working there were times when I black out while I'm working at high tower but luckily wake in time to get focused again. I had very bad headaches and was moody all the time and some my of friends wasn't any help.

I had best friends and people that I thought that cared about me play me and disrespect me in front of my face and act like it was nothing like they didn't know that they had hurt like they are not old enough to realize they are doing something wrong and that you have to tell them that they are hurting you. To me if you really care about somebody and you doing something that you know is going to hurt that person you should be mature enough to acknowledge that and apologize and let that person you that your wrong.

Its so hard for me right now to trust anybody because I feel like sooner
or later your gonna play me and that you don't really care about me thats I
push some people away because I'm tired of getting hurt I rather somebody just
tell me you don't care about me instead of showing it and act like it was
nothing. It things like this and certain circumstances in life that make these
kids walking around with guns killing people and then killing themselves
because of depression from dealing with certain people. They get hurt so much
they feel like they don't have anything to lose. Me I can't go out like thatbecause god have helped me stay strong and do what I got to do.

I'm encouraged when people hurt me or ignore me act like I don't exist when I
didn't do anything to them and I really don't deserve it because I don't bother
nobody I take care of my job and just say whats up to people that I don't
hear but for some people me just saying Hi is a problem I guess but its all
good I use all of these as encouragement for me to keep on going and I don't
stress about it no more. Thats all I had to say I had to say everything thats
on my mind thats why its so long my bad. I appreciate the people that consider
me a good person I'm trying but nobody is perfect but I just want to be
remembered by as Jim was a good man and simple person thats all thanks for reading all of this god bless.

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